Thomas Kilmann Accommodating Conflict Mode

The opposite of competing, there is an element of self-sacrifice when accommodating to satisfy the other person. While it may seem generous, it could take advantage of the weak and cause resentment. You can use accommodating when you really don’t care a lot about the outcome but do want to preserve or build the relationship. Explore the pros, cons, take on some feedback and learn how to utilize it successfully below.

Benefits of Accommodating 

• Helping Someone Out: Assisting others in meeting their needs by supporting them.
• Restoring Harmony: Can smooth feathers and settle troubled waters. 
• Building Relationships: Can be used to build social capital by doing favors. Can also be used as a way of apologizing when necessary. 
• Choosing a Quick Ending: This mode can be used to cut your losses as a way to minimize future losses in a hopeless situation (Thomas 13). 

Costs of Accommodating

• Sacrificed Concerns: This mode entails conceding something you care about and so inevitably your views or interests are sacrificed. 
• Loss Of Respect: This mode can build goodwill, but a perception of low assertiveness can lead to you losing respect from your peers. A pattern of accommodating can encourage others to exploit you. 
• Loss Of Motivation: Using the Accommodating mode leads to less satisfaction. It can lead to you agreeing to things for which you have little excitement (Thomas 14). 

Related Feedback and Tips for When and How to Use The TKI Accommodating Mode – The Accommodating conflict handling mode can be an effective way of handling conflict in certain situations, but one needs to be careful not to overuse it otherwise it can lead to an unhealthy pattern of appeasement. Therefore, knowing when it is the correct choice is very important. A simple and appropriate time to use the Accommodating mode can be when after making your case for your personal position and hearing the other person’s position you simply decide that you are wrong or the other individual’s position is better and or stronger. At that point admitting that you are wrong is the better option in the long run (Thomas 39). At other times you may make the case for your position and hear the opposition, but realize that while you feel you are still right you also realize that you will still lose or be overruled regardless of what you say or do. In these cases, it might be better to concede gracefully and minimize the loss of goodwill from prolonging the argument (Thomas 39). Thomas also writes that another way to utilize the Accommodating conflict handling mode is to accommodate when you realize that a small sacrifice on your part can do a much greater good for someone else. Whether it is simply doing someone a favor, boosting someone’s confidence, or encouraging development by allowing the other person to make decisions even if you have doubts. Accommodating can also be used as a way of damage control as a way to repair damage you may have caused in a previous encounter by apologizing or making reparations (Thomas 39-40). However, the Accommodating mode is not always a healthy choice. This mode should not be over used when dealing with individuals that are consistently emotionally out of control or verbally abusive. You may find that appeasing them can help diffuse the situation in the immediacy, but if left unchecked it can lead to a very unhealthy pattern that can encourage future instances of rage and threats (Thomas 41). 

What Does Successful Avoiding Entail – In order to get the most positive outcome out of using the Accommodating conflict handling mode you should work on developing specific behavioral skills. According to Thomas, one of the most valuable skills to develop when using the Accommodating mode is learning to concede gracefully. The ability to not be a sore loser is a surefire way to earn respect. Don’t complain; instead take the high road as acting out will only lead others to view you in a more negative light. It is also helpful to learn how to effectively explain your motives when accommodating so that your actions are not misinterpreted as signs that you do not care about the issue at hand (Thomas 40). Another skill set to develop is the ability to plant the seeds of your concerns in situations where your position will not be successful in the short term. Focusing on the long term plan can lead you to slowly make progress that will garner you more support for your position over time. The final skill set you can develop is learning how to satisfy a complaint. Complaints can often provide feedback that can help performance, but how you react makes a very big difference on the outcome. It is reasonable to accept anger as it often accompanies complaints, but there is a fine line between accepting anger and accepting abuse. By allowing the other individuals to express themselves without being defensive or counterattacking allows the other individual to have their feelings heard and can often lead to the situation calming down until it can be discussed more reasonably. Explaining what happened without attempting to overly defend what happened can also help. By using active listening, apologizing, and making reparations when appropriate you are much more likely to have a constructive outcome to the encounter (Thomas 41). Learning when to use the Accommodating mode appropriately without allowing it to be a crutch can be a powerful part of your conflict handling toolset.